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Hate mail  September 13, 2015, 05:43:31 PM

http://m.fmylife.com

:mrgreen:

"Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML
09/11/2015
WTF"

...

"Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML
09/04/2015
Anonymous
71I agree, your life sucks 18355"

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Toza  September 13, 2015, 05:50:54 PM

Today, I put skittles up my vagina, to be cute for my boyfriend on valentines day, so i would taste good. As he was eating me out, he pushed one skittle up so far and couldn't get it out. I ended in up in the ER for 4 hours, with laughing nurses. FML.

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Hate mail  September 13, 2015, 06:49:28 PM

"Today, my "friends" pulled an elaborate prank on me. First, they changed my ringtone to a recording of someone saying "Allahu Akbar" on repeat. Then, they called me as we had a moment of silence in honor of the 9/11 victims. FML
09/11/2015
EverettA
101I agree, your life sucks 23439
you deserved it 1944"

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Hate mail  September 13, 2015, 07:17:55 PM

"Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML
09/03/2015
whoevenncares
56I agree, your life sucks 21675
you deserved it 2411"

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Hate mail  September 13, 2015, 07:33:26 PM

"Today, I was talking to my mom about my issues with my girlfriend. While she was sympathizing, she slowly picked up my wallet, took $100 and left.

FML
08/30/2015
FranchezDeVista
47I agree, your life sucks 22036
you deserved it 1945"

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Hate mail  September 13, 2015, 08:26:42 PM

"Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML
08/18/2015
Anonymous"

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Hate mail  September 14, 2015, 12:46:48 AM

"Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family.

FML
08/14/2015
Wellthisishawkward"

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Hate mail  September 14, 2015, 12:50:08 AM

"Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested.

FML
08/14/2015"

 xrofl

"Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning.

FML
08/14/2015
babbling idiot"

 xrofl xrofl xrofl

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Hate mail  September 14, 2015, 12:52:25 AM

By the way, Ivane, evo kako se gradi "content" i mami "traffic".

Ali neeee. Ti placas (!) nekog nepismenog i neobavestenog prljavka da u 200 mediocre reci "pise" o nicemu nistacki; kako samo niemand moze.

You deserve him (and everything else for that matter), and he deserves you (and everything else for that matter).

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Pijanista  September 14, 2015, 01:22:33 AM

By the way, Ivane, evo kako se gradi "content" i mami "traffic".

Ali neeee. Ti placas (!) nekog nepismenog i neobavestenog prljavka da u 200 mediocre reci "pise" o nicemu nistacki; kako samo niemand moze.

You deserve him (and everything else for that matter), and he deserves you (and everything else for that matter).


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Ivan_D  September 14, 2015, 06:52:31 AM

Dobro, Pijanista od hiljada royalty-free slika ti bas nasao jedan koji ima watermarks

https://www.google.com/search?q=bulls+eye+dart&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAmoVChMImca_sPf1xwIVYSlyCh0KgA1L&biw=1440&bih=688

Nego, nikako da te pitam, zasto voluntiras u crkvi?

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Daisy  September 14, 2015, 01:48:26 PM


Nego, nikako da te pitam, zasto voluntiras u crkvi?


Bok,

na hrvatskom je Dragovoljni rad / VolOnterstvo

https://hr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dragovoljni_rad


na srpskom Dobrovoljac / VolOnter   (od francuskog volontaire - dobrovoljan)

https://sh.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volonter

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Ivan_D  September 14, 2015, 01:57:15 PM

whateva

you say potato and i say tomato

Ali hvala svejedno   xjap

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Toza  September 14, 2015, 02:24:37 PM

Jebemti i taj engleski.
Maločas 'tedo' da prijatelju izrazim sućut pošto je njegov tim (baltimore ravens) izgubio od nekih hohštaplera utakmicu za koju se on posebno meračio da je gleda, pa k'o reko' da napišem bugger, al' se u zadnji čas setih da pogledam šta to STVARNO znači ("jebaše vas u bulju") i spasih se za dlaku. Znači, umal' FML.

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Pijanista  September 14, 2015, 03:54:27 PM

Crkva ovder nije samo verski vec i kulturno-zabavni objekat.

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Toza  September 14, 2015, 04:01:42 PM

Crkva ovder nije samo verski vec i kulturno-zabavni objekat.
Ebsolutli.

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Superhik  September 14, 2015, 04:02:25 PM

A moz` i zabavna majica da se dobije..  :)

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Hate mail  September 25, 2015, 04:32:16 PM

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML
#21472188
38 comments
I agree, your life sucks (13328) - you deserved it (758)

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Hate mail  September 25, 2015, 04:37:39 PM

Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me.
FML
#21471529
94 comments
I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (1373)

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Hate mail  September 25, 2015, 04:38:06 PM

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone".
FML
#21471520
46 comments
I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (1449)

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Hate mail  September 25, 2015, 04:50:05 PM

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler.
FML
#21470966
114 comments
I agree, your life sucks (25437) - you deserved it (2538)
On 09/21/2015 at 10:45am - misc - by Gassy - Australia

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Hate mail  September 25, 2015, 04:51:35 PM

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure.
FML
#21470925
47 comments
I agree, your life sucks (19794) - you deserved it (1445)
On 09/21/2015 at 7:32am - misc - by notanazigrandchildafterall (woman) - Germany (Sachsen)

 xrofl

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Hate mail  September 25, 2015, 06:34:50 PM

Ivane, pay attention.


Today, my mother-in-law turned up at my doorstep close to midnight, drunk off her tits, crying about how my wife is punishing her and throwing her life away by marrying me.
FML
#21470151
48 comments
I agree, your life sucks (20768) - you deserved it (1343)
On 09/19/2015 at 5:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Hungary (Budapest)

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 05:18:50 AM

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
12/27/2015
_schaden_freude
99I
agree, your life sucks 26541
you deserved it 1496

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 05:27:39 AM

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML
12/26/2015
Anonymous
132I
agree, your life sucks 23362
you deserved it 1550

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 05:42:35 AM

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML
12/22/2015
Anonymous
100I
agree, your life sucks 22761
you deserved it 1864

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 05:49:52 AM

Today, I finally realized the toll working as a cashier 5 days a week during the holidays does to your psyche. I just said "Welcome To Walgreens", out of pure reflex, to my cat as she walked into my kitchen. FML
12/21/2015
Deweyboy
71I
agree, your life sucks 22200
you deserved it 2142

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 05:58:16 AM

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML
12/17/2015
Anonymous
80I
agree, your life sucks 28391
you deserved it 1777

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 06:17:35 AM

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML
12/11/2015
Anonymous
89I
agree, your life sucks 23743
you deserved it 2150

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 07:44:19 AM

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML
11/27/2015
Anonymous
97I agree,
your life sucks 22566
you deserved it 2391

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 07:47:44 AM

E jesu prokleti...

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML
11/26/2015
I hate retail
104I
agree, your life sucks 23656
you deserved it 3030

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 08:09:15 AM

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML
11/18/2015
Secret Isis supporter
83I
agree, your life sucks 22824
you deserved it 1663

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 08:22:12 AM

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML
11/14/2015
Anonymous
75I
agree, your life sucks 23540
you deserved it 1870

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Hate mail  January 08, 2016, 03:47:47 PM

Today, my 4 year old's heavily pregnant teacher pulled me aside and asked me to talk to my son about "boundaries". Apparently, he asked her if she was going to "boobie feed" him and listed a few reasons why she should and why formula is bad, in front of the entire class. FML
01/07/2016
sammylynnp
141I
agree, your life sucks 14236
you deserved it 2133

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Hate mail  January 11, 2016, 08:14:13 PM

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML
ReTweet01/09/2016
Anonymous
56I agree, your life sucks 15684
you deserved it 166

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Hate mail  January 11, 2016, 08:14:31 PM

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML
ReTweet01/09/2016
retail can shart a cock
43I agree, your life sucks 16314
you deserved it 908

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Hate mail  May 05, 2016, 04:43:20 PM

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML

116
I agree, your life sucks

11148You deserved it1397

by Anonymous  / 05/04/2016 at 10:15am / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Kids

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Daisy  May 11, 2016, 05:30:34 PM

Danas su se roditelji drali na mene jer sam dosla kuci posle 1 ujutru sa rodjendana. Imam 30 godina. :-/

http://ispovesti.com/ispovest/145



U mojoj familiji svi smatraju sebe "nadprosečno pametnim" a niko nije uspešan.

http://ispovesti.com/ispovest/1890146

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 05:49:45 PM

Anonimus7 Odgovori   ·
30 Dec 14
licno vjerujem da ti imas talenat za pisca, scenaristu il nesto u tom smjeru, sva cast- a ovu/ovog gore mi je zao, al zaista ima takvih sudbina, ja licno poznajem jednu koja i sa 32 god ima izlaz do 23.00 h ;(

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 05:50:50 PM

sema_beton-1 Odgovori   ·
29 Jun 15
Strašno i onda se cude kad im deca ostanu neoženjena i neudata! Ja samo znam da sve one što su bile sumnjivog morala i inventar svih kafica u gradu, sve do jedne su se udale, rodile decu i super žive. A one što su bile fine, imale ogranicen izlaz, ucile nocima i danima još uvek su same, nažalost većina njih!

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 05:52:05 PM

Anonimus6 Odgovori   ·
21 Apr 15
Pa moja mama ima 43 god i mene od 22 pa njeni roditelji zovu svaki tren da posle posla dodje kuci i ne sme izlaziti inace prete da ce nas izbaciti na ulicu, a majka se rastavila pa smo primorane da zivimo s njima


Egzemplarno: slucaj prirodne bodovne liste with a vengeance.


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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 05:54:14 PM

Inteligencija ("the weight of the world" considerations...) je zaista ogranicavajuci faktor za probitak u nekim domenima egzistencije.

Intelligence and flesh don't mix well.

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 06:02:02 PM

Potsetio si me nečega. Ispriča ću vam kako sam oženijo devojku od mog druga. Na ime bili smo u Češkoj i otišli smo na pivo. Dok nije gledao jasam mu sipao drogu u pivo. Kasnije sam iznajmio jednu ku*vu daga smuva i dao joj ključ od naše sobe. Uveče sam se sa njegovom devojkom pojavio u našu sobu. Ona gaje otkačila ija sam iskoristijo tu priliku. Ni kad ne će saznati dasam to bijo ja.
Swaziland23 Odgovori   · 3  ·

Seljacko-zivotinjska inteligencija na delu.

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 06:05:57 PM

To je jedan duboko nesrecni prostor.

#1885742
Tetka mi je prepisala stan, znam da me najviše voli, ali nisam srećna što me zbog toga cela šira porodica mrzi.
odobravam( 4092 )osuđujem( 113 )
41 comments 09 May 16

Meni je moja tetka uzela stan i sve sta je mogla uzet...Uvijek ce bit ljubomorne rodbine ...
Anonimus-2 Odgovori   ·
9h

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 06:12:09 PM

I jedan za pravnike:


#1888848
Kada sam bila manja, mislila sam kako se povišene cene za pravna lica, odnose na one koji su završili pravni fakultet i govorila kako zbog toga sigurno neću da upisujem prava.

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 10:00:15 PM

Kad si klinac i nešto slučajno razbiješ, uhvate te, kažeš "nisam ja", roditelji te izlemaju i zabrane da lažeš... Odrasteš. Verujem da ovi što ulaze u veze da ne bi bili sami, lažu sebe i druge da vole nekoga, varaju, kradu ljubav i kad budu uhvaćeni kažu "nisam ja", nikad nisu odrasli. Ne bi me čudilo da pišaju u krevet.
odobravam( 2761 )osuđujem( 134 )
20 comments


#1884883
U saobraćajnoj nesreći izgubila sam muža a moja lijeva ruka je ostala skroz paralizirana. Zbog svoje ćerkice od 5 godina morala sam radit da je mogu uzdržavat i školovat. Danas ona ima 16 godina, u školi je jedna od boljih učenica taman da pomislim koliko sam ponosna na sebe i na nju ona mi dođe jučer uplakana sa informacijom da je trudna.
odobravam( 3069 )osuđujem( 439 )
170 comments


#1885928
Dužina poruke za rođendan zavisi od toga koliko volim tu osobu. Neke su kilometarske, a neke samo 'sretan rodendan'. 3:)
odobravam( 3205 )osuđujem( 153 )
23 comments


#1886393
Nakon 3 mjeseca svađe, zaprosio me..i to na 1. april.
odobravam( 3069 )osuđujem( 153 )
16 comments


#1886645
Pijana sam upala u šaht u sred BG-a!
odobravam( 2822 )osuđujem( 395 )
48 comments

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Toza  May 11, 2016, 10:25:39 PM

I've turned 50.
FML

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Hate mail  May 11, 2016, 10:55:13 PM

57 channels and nothing on...

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Pijanista  May 11, 2016, 11:11:19 PM

U avgustu vodim decu na Duran Duran

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Pijanista  July 05, 2016, 07:31:06 PM

(nije vezano za mene licno, ali mi pade na pamet)

Poznajem Iranca koji nije jebo 40 dana kad je umro Homeini

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