Muke po engleskom

[amans]

ENGLISH IS CUH-RAY-ZEE

English is the most widely spoken language in the history of the planet.
One out of every seven human beings can speak or read it.
Half the world's books, 3/4 of the international mail are in English.
It has the largest vocabulary, perhaps two million words,
And a noble body of literature. But face it:
English is cuh-ray-zee!

Just a few examples: There's no egg in eggplant, no pine or apple in pineapple.
Quicksand works slowly; boxing rings are square.
A writer writes, but do fingers fing?
Hammers don't ham, grocers don't groce. Haberdashers don't haberdash.
English is cuh-ray-zee!

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?
It's one goose, two geese. Why not one moose, two meese?
If it's one index, two indices; why not one Kleenex,two Kleenices?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

You can comb through the annals of history, but not just one annal.
You can make amends, but not just one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one, is it an odd or an end?
If the teacher taught, why isn't it true that a preacher praught?
If you wrote a letter, did you also bote your tongue?
And if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

Why is it that night falls but never breaks and day breaks but never falls?
In what other language do people drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?
Ship by truck but send cargo by ship? Recite at a play but play at a recital?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
When a wise man and a wise guy are very different?
To overlook something and to oversee something are very different,
But quite a lot and quite a few are the same.
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell the next?
English is cuh-ray-zee!

You have to marvel at the lunacy of a language in which your house can burn down
While it is burning up. You fill out a form by filling it in.
In which your alarm clock goes off by going on.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Well, English was invented by people, not computers
And reflects the creativity of the human race.
So that's why when the stars are out, they're visible,
But when the lights are out, they're invisible.
When I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this rap,
I end it. English is cuh-ray-zee!

Words by Josh White, Jr. and Pete Seeger
(Based on Richard Lederer's "Crazy English")
Copyright (c) 1996

[Pijanista]

SVaki jezik ima slicne primere.

Sesti i jesti.
Da sednemo i jednemo.

[Pareski do]

Hammers don't ham, grocers don't groce.

Никад чуо за ту реч?

Мислио сам да grocer потиче од gross, типа купује на велико, продаје на мало, тј. да та реч, за разлику од других у овом тексту, има смисла.

[amans]

Berlitz commercial

[Pareski do]

Banned Danish* (or not Danish) TV Commercial

[amans]

 :lol:

[D(z)avid]

Swenglish (Swedish: svengelska) is a colloquial term meaning either:

English spoken with a heavy Swedish accent or heavily influenced by Swedish vocabulary, grammar, or syntax.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swenglish

Trebate ih cuti kako govore, pa bi vam onda bilo jasno o cemu se radi
(Svedjani, inace, uglavnom svi shprehaju inglish, i po nekim statistikama drze primat medju svim drugim engleski-negovorecim nacijama u EU po masovnosti i znanju engleskog, ali ako bi ste mi dali da cujem tuce-dva ljudi, pomijesanih iz cijele Evrope, kako pricaju engleski - s pika bih prokuzio medju njima Svedjane i Ruse, zbog njihovog jakog domaceg akcenta).

Ovako to otprilike zvuci kad Svedjani pricaju Swenglish, iako cure sa klipa namjerno karikiraju izgovor:

Swedish Accent

[slawen]

Hammers don't ham, grocers don't groce.

Никад чуо за ту реч?

Мислио сам да grocer потиче од gross, типа купује на велико, продаје на мало, тј. да та реч, за разлику од других у овом тексту, има смисла.

Туце туцади?

[Pareski do]

то је ваљда gross

[tarana]

srpski je dobio najnoviju blentavost u rečniku - benefit.
ako je benefit po prozvođača - bla-bla-bla..
lepo mi muka od kravataša...

[Jelence]

Ma necu vise ni da se jedim.

[slawen]

то је ваљда gross

Мислиш да се "ss" мора пише дебело?

Мислио сам да grocer потиче од gross, типа купује на велико, продаје на мало, тј. да та реч, за разлику од других у овом тексту, има смисла.
Туце туцади?

Много се дружиш са Иваном... највиши Кинез је Кинез....

[slawen]

Брљбрљ...

[slawen]

srpski je dobio najnoviju blentavost u rečniku - benefit.
ako je benefit po prozvođača - bla-bla-bla..
lepo mi muka od kravataša...

A шта кажеш за БенеФите?

[Pareski do]

Посао иде споро па вишак времена, јел?

[amans]

hehe...ma sta se jedite, druzio se srpski sa turskim petstotinak godina, pa preziveo, pa se druzio sa nemackim (obozavm slingeraj, s kao stopl  8-) pa preziveo. Vala, prezivece i engleski  :twisted:

[Jelence]

Hoces reci survajvernuce ga?

[amans]

but, of course  :lol:

[amans]

back to English:



Abort, Retry, Ignore?
anon.




Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.

Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

To this day I do not know the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"




:)

[amans]

http://forum.thefreedictionary.com/


http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/

[amans]

Urban Dictionary:

Recrap--To sum up a discussion composed largely of useless bullshit.

Nerd Bird--An airliner that flies between two high-tech cities. It is likely that the majority of the passengers will be nerds.